Lost In Beauty-

Friday, November 11, 2005

i am really confused.. how should i really go about it..? i find it hard to explain to my other cca-mates.. and i dun feel like telling them.. i dun want to lower the morale of the rest of the people.. what happened today, has definitely made me utterly disappointed.. another two seniors gone for good.. blame it on Orange then.. i was driven close to tears when they start packing up their own things and hand over the bows one after another.. these two seniors had been rather close with me.. they wud talk to me every now and then.. they are real good archers and mentors.. it hurts me so to see them go away just like that.. i am afraid that i will just shut myself up, they bring laughter and will talk to me during archery.. one of them is our captain, and the other, a quartermaster.. let me brief through... morning, curtis came.. follow by mr neo not long after.. tt mr neo ask about our opinion of whether changing weekend's practice to weekdays is fine with us or not.. both of us is fine with tt(and deep down my heart, i was already partying~!).. he gave a task to curtis: ask the rest of the cca-mates on whether changing it to weekdays is fine with them or not, coz usually archery burned away our weekends, making us very fatigue and cannot concentrate on the following monday.. and the poll is.. among 9 people who came for archery today(i know it's pathetic!).. 7 people is fine with that.. and the other 2 is Orange and her guy.. but he never asked them.. of coz they would stand against us.. Orange is the Chairman.. and no doubt she would oppose to tt.. never to mention her guy.. he would be in dead meat if he were to stand at our side.. so curtis just presume so.. and he told mr neo when archery is about to end.. later after that.. the coach came.. they held a discussion somewhere in the P.E room, away from us.. minutes after.. Orange came out.. follow by coach and mr neo respectively.. mr neo approached curtis and ted.. somewhat chatting happily.. coach then drive home.. say nothing much.. and he seem alright.. i thought nothing happened.. carry on packing.. not long after.. Orange stopped all.. right after she received a call from coach.. she raged up, and very very obviously de hint everyone tt there's two stupid people complain to mr neo about the tough training.. very directly de shooting "arrows" at curtis and ted.. keep on looking at them while scolding.. "if you all can't commit yourself to archery/if you all can't come for archery this saturday or sunday, irregardless of whether you need to work or need to got to other's birthday party/chalet or whatever shit, go ahead and hand over the bow to me..~"she said, pointing/looking at them.. "and moreover, i had mentioned to you earlier before that, i need people who is commited.. and you all keep giving me this kinda shit, cannot come because of these or that.. i don't care whether your dog sick or your cat sick.. just stop giving me these problems until i pass out, can or not! if you all want to quit, go ahead.. i will still get my cca points.." and she blabbered on..*blah blah blah blah blah* " and if you all find yourself not suitable or feel like quitting, just pass your bow to me and leave~! ANYONE..?!".. curtis said, give him 5 minutes to think about it.. and the next moment i know, curtis start taking out his things.. i thought it's only curtis.. was then that i realized ted is taking out his things as well.. i thought he's just trying to pack up.. till i came in to conscious.. he's leaving as well.. i turned away.. tears flooded my eyes.. but never rolled out.. who to be blame..? Coach, for fuming after such small matter.. Orange, for not using her words appropriately and her for not seeing the clear picture of the whole thing? her guy, KwangYi, for not stopping her and keep on letting her be this 'over-subjective' and sacarstic over such trivial matters.. ted and curtis for not being able to tolerate her and all her craps.. the rest of us, for keeping quiet? mr neo, for being so busybody and over concerning?? and those who left us, for lowering our morale after leaving one by one, causing the rest to get tempted to leave? i dunno whether should i or should i not tell the recreational members or wendy or hamzah or jason or not.. i dun want to release these news to cause shock among evryone.. Orange.. really dunno how to make those who left earlier on, to stay.. if people keep on going and going at this rate.. archery will close down in no time.. i dun wish to see them getting away just like this.. i dun wish that archery will closed down just like this.. it's a lose-lose situation for everyone.. we've contribute so much of our time, got so tanned(i am baked!), strained ourselves up, travel such long distant, getting up so early.. we've sure lost alot of things.. what makes the rest of us stay, is the arrows.. we bought it with our own money, $100 over is not a joke.. there's no bonding within archery as well.. i am totally disappointed at it.. i promised myself later in the afternoon.. not to cry, not to cry.. but i just can't help it.. it's so embarrassing to duck myself into Jie and shedding tears in MRT.. i am still sad..

the beauty exposed ;