Lost In Beauty-

Saturday, June 16, 2007

have you ever had the feeling for someone's pain and fear of death? it's when denial, isolation and reluctancy takes place. i saw that for one of the patient.
=in a confuse state.
=started not knowing where he is.
=Oxygen Saturation machine standing by.
=nurses taking his vital signs every single hour.
=blood transfusion; endless packets.
=staff nurses and medicated staffs starts shakin` their head lightly.
=non-rebreather mask that provides 100% oxygen; the extreme.
=doctors talking to family members; solemnly.
="should we resuscitate him or not? but he's in agony.."
the clock start ticking every seconds of his life. and i wonder what will be the next of him. but the answer is really obvious. i wouldn't be seeing him on monday. the bed would be occupied by someone new, who's not aware that he's lying on the deathbed of the previous occupant. i did not stay and see what happen. it's my knock off timing. what i derived, he wun make it to 12am.

post-mortem care isn't as simple as what u all may think. the staff nurses or enrolled nurse sheltered not much care to the corpse. flipped here and there, take off catheter, take off dressing and spread baby powder on them like mad spree. i don't mean fast, but it's handled recklessly. i felt the body with bare hands unintentionally when the nurse ask me to tape the bleeding wound at neck line. shockingly, the warm i feel is what running on us. that 37degree. but ECG done earlier shows no life signs; a straight beeping line. she's pronounced dead at 1335. i couldn't imagine if it's me, in old age and died like tt. i rather died at home or somewhere. just jab me dead. my second encounter with death, i stayed a little longer in the room, and i can't believe the next second my teammates and staff nurses are gone. i'm actually talking to her. telling her to go peacefully, to a better place without much agony from what she had used to suffer. i end with a smile, leaving her lying in the cold, hard room.
black kitten follows my bro all the way up, trying to get into our units. just when i am about to get home. been circulating me, and around my leg. mum, force shut the door. it's should-be faint angelic cry, is way too different. i could hear even when i'm at room talking to hunnie. out of no choice, mum agreed tt i'd sent it down. i suggest bringing it to it's mother. down there, i saw one cat, unsured. the cat hissed at kitten; in attack mode. they had a mere fight, but broke off by me. there's something i couldn't explain about the kitten. it behaved and fought just as equivalent to an adult cat(in disguise?!). there's something in the way it look at me. just inexplicable. the dead, the black kitten. seemed signifying something. i am not afraid.

the beauty exposed ;